Shattered

My mind, my body, my heart shattered to pieces, thanks for nothing. Here I am watching you killing me slowly, but there is nothing I could do, just watch, feeling helpless. Well I thank you for hurting me so bad. I hope that we will never meet again, I hope that you will forget every single thing about me, I hope that one day you'll realize what I've been trying to do. I don't wanna talk to you anymore, cause it'll hurt me more than you. So, good bye.

Running my mind

Everyday, pain has been staying inside here all the time. I wonder if anyone could put the pain away, cause I don't know if I can make it. Now I wonder, does true love ever existed? Since it seems like it takes forever for me to find the right one. I don't know how long will it take, but I will wait for the right moment. I hope it is mine for the take. When there is a will, there is a way, I hope God would show me the way. Sure I've been such a bitch all the time, but honestly, I am not that bad, I think. I'm a simple person with a simple life, any problems?

I live for my future, and for my future to happen, I want someone to share with, someone who would stay with me no matter what, someone who will never forgets every single thing about me when I'm gone, someone who would be loyal to me even though doubt is in the way, cause I know what I want, cause I never want to hurt the one that I love. Cause for the one I love, I'd sacrifice anything and I want my future to be the best.

My mind

Am I that complicated? Or no? Because it seems like not everyone could understand me, not everyone appreciates whatever I did. Things that I've done, things that I've said, it means nothing at all to them. Most of the time I mean it, sure I may looked like can't be serious in anything, but at least open up your eyes wide open and see the other side of me.

I feel like I wanna run away just for a day, and sat alone thinking where it went wrong. Oh hell, when things are complicated, all I want is a day to settle down, it seems like no one can tell that but whatever, what's done is done. I have no more business with my past.

Its been about 8-9 months since I've been single, yes I am not counting you nor you, since it is such a disgrace for ever betraying yourself, I am not gonna fall for that again, learned my lesson. I've been hurt, seems like none of you guys cared about me. It means that you're not good enough for me, yes frankly from me. I could careless about you guys anyway, no, don't take this as an insult, take it as a reminder, take it as a lesson on how to treat guys better, all you guys cared about is your egos, throw it all away like I did. Obviously I got my ass smacked really good, but thanks to you guys, it knocked the freaking sense out of me.

Yes I know, I've to blame myself too. I know I've been stupid that you could never understand me, but I wonder do you even cared about me? Do you even know every single bit about me? Cause as far as I remember, you don't even know my background, you don't even know what's my problem, you never cared about whatever happened to me. Yes whatever, shits happens for a reason.

Dream Girl

Attitude

• Supportive
• Non-egoist type
• Talkative
• High self-confidence
• Chill
• Loving
• Sporting

Attire

• Simple things e.g ; T-shirts, Jeans, sneakers
• Prefer semi-long haired type
• Original color or dyed hair

Etc

• Hygienic
• Will lead me to be a better person
• Be there when I need her the most
• Good background
• Loyal
• Honest
• Funny
• Can be my best friend when I need one

I wish that I could meet her one day, Insya'Allah. Until then, I'll keep on searching. Wish me luck peeps!

Alone?

If, I am happier being alone. Does it means that not a single girl can make me happy? Whatever I guess, oh and no hard feelings ladies, because I am used to live my life alone, wait, am I really alone? Because I have my friends around me. 

I'm such a fool for ever falling in love, but, if "love" can make me a better person, I'd do it. Look, all I'm asking for a good long-term relationship. That's it, hard? Yes, I don't care if it'll take a million light years to find my "true love", I'd do it. I am not gonna put my heart on the line and getting crushed all over again, I've been hurt for so long. Rather being alone than getting my heart crushed every single day. I can live with that.

I'll be alright

I got my friends, got my family. For me, those are the most important thing to me. I'd never trade anything for them, they're precious. As for girlfriend? Nahh, not now I guess. I'm closing my heart for the time being, I want to make tons of friends who would respect me as much as I do respect them.

I'll be alright if I stick to my opinion, however, someday I might change my mind if and only if anyone could open this closed heart again. Am I a fool? No, I just want to know who would love me to the end. I want to know if that person would love me just the way I am. Hard? Yes, but its worth giving a shot.

Sometimes

Sometimes I have tons of doubts
Sometimes there are tons of questions need to be answered
Sometimes I feel so insecure
Sometimes I need my time alone

Sometimes I want to feel alive again
Sometimes I feel like its the end of the world
Sometimes I just wanna scream out loud
Sometimes I feel like there is no point in living

Sometimes I feel I am broken
Sometimes I need those confidence back
Sometimes I don't want to talk
Sometimes I don't want to hear anything

I live by my own opinion, and I don't really care about any other opinions. I live my life, so what if I'm being selfish? This is how I live, my life equals to my rules.

What the..

I'm so confused right now, I don't know if this is right? I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I want, it feels like I've accomplished my targets, but I feel like I am missing something. Something deep inside me. What was it? Where it went wrong? Where it went?

I can't control my self-pride, my anger, my everything. I'm such a mess, build me and put me back when I'm at my best. This is my worst, it'll take time for me to recover, maybe I did recovered, but not totally recovered, there is something just doesn't seem right. Maybe I need my time being alone? Maybe I need someone who could guide me back to where I'm at my best? I don't know.

I am stupid for taking everything for granted, life isn't always that easy. Now I know what's the meaning of life and I can sum it up; it goes on. If everything doesn't turned out the way I planned, I am so screwed. A secret? Nahh, soon.